How New Couples Can Learn to Save More

The old adage about money being “the root of all evil” isn’t all that far off, if you consider how finances are managed between one person to the next.

For every individual who saves 10 percent of their paycheck, another two have little to no money saved and can’t wait for payday so they can spend and then fret about bills being due or any number of financial missteps they’ll have to ponder.

That “evil” often is represented when two individuals become one household from a money perspective and then can’t seem to find the happy medium or any sort of financial “goodness” between the two, mostly due to different visions of what money means to them.

Money certainly has the potential to be that proverbial “wedge” that drives between you and your significant other if you both can’t come to some sort of compromise or determine how you’re going to move forward together if financially you are on opposite ends of the spectrum with little or not budging one way or another.

And money problems causing stress on relationships isn’t exclusive to being married, but just together with someone who doesn’t share the same financial drive or savings acumen can be an issue.

Roughly 35 percent of relationships say money is the reason for the tension, and that number increases to 44 percent when you reach the age group of 44 to 54.^[1]

The idea that 50 percent of marriages end in divorce anyway is alarming, but aside from infidelity in the marriage the second leading cause of separation, divorce or splitting up is money.

That’s why, from a financial point of view, knowing what to expect from your significant other money wise is so crucial. Often times, money isn’t the most romantic or alluring topics of conversation but it’s one of those uncomfortable conversations you need to have (more on that in a minute) if you expect a relationship to have any sort of staying power.

Ignorance is hardly bliss when it comes to money, and a recent survey suggests that most couples believe their partner does something consistently that affects how they view them overall, even if it’s a money or financial decision that drives it.

Simply put, if you’re with someone and they frustrate you with how they are with money, that wears on the other person over time.

Approximately 63 percent of people say that their spouse or significant other overspends.^[2]

The question that looms large based on that number is whether or not the subject of money, if that’s how more than half of the population feels, is broached and done so in a way that elicits change or that meeting in the middle, versus allowing the money consternation from one person continue to build until it erupts in an argument or, worse yet as illustrated, divorce.

Whether you’re married, engaged or getting serious in a relationship, money has to be a priority.

Making it a priority start with the following steps any couple should take so money does turn into more harm than good within the relationship.

Look Who’s Talking: Discuss finances right away, and avoid surprises

Who really wants to talk about money? The truth is most people don’t have that on the top of their “to do” list when it comes to relationships, whether you’re in a semi-serious one, engaged or newly married.

Having money discussions have a direct result in the happiness of your relationship, no matter what stage it is in.

Everyone knows a couple that consistently argues about money, and can’t find that same page mentality to back up any decision that is made with money in mind.

If you don’t believe that being consistent with money with your spouse is important, consider that couples who are the happiest (90 percent) talk about money once per month, while 68 percent of unhappy couples don’t talk about money with that sort of frequency.^[3]

And talking about money isn’t just about the day to day, one month to the next budgeting talks that would need to talk place.

This also has a lot to do with relationships that are starting out, get serious, and money is never discussed, specifically the amount of debt you have and how that can affect the aforementioned budgeting and day to day spending and saving if the happy couple starts to share more than a home together.

A study showed that the more debt you bring into a relationship ($20,000-$50,000) the least amount of satisfaction you’ll get out of this union. But that same study also said 87 percent of men and 80 percent of women would still stay in relationships if substantial debt existed.^[4]

You have to believe that those high percentages of individuals who stay in relationships even when debt exists do so because the debt isn’t a surprise after you’ve been with someone for years or married for a decade.

Talking through money has to be the entirety of it, from how you spend your money, the amount of debt you have, annual salary and anything else financial that is relevant.

Would you guess that 43 percent of couples don’t know how much the other one makes?^[5]

That is downright deplorable if you expect to stay with someone and be financially happy.

Valued input: Put one person in charge of money, but both have a say

As much as we don’t want to talk about money in a relationship, the next step beyond simply talking about it is making sure that once all the juicy and pertinent details are on the table that you and your significant other get on the same page, namely having the same vision relatively speaking but also ensuring that you have one person handling the finances day to day.

This typically is the person who is and has been (when they were single) comfortable and successful with budgeting and allotting funds to savings accounts, retirement and is simply better and planning for the future.

Now, this point person of sorts also has to understand that it’s not their “show” alone, and must keep the other person in the loop at all times. If money comes in from a bonus or pay raise, communicate that.

A whopping 7.2 million Americans are hiding money from their spouses.^[6]

That unbelievable number suggests two things: one person is afraid their spouse will find out about the money and spend it unwisely, or the same person who is hiding is the one in charge of the money in general.

Both points showcase a deficiency, with the former drawing back to the point about getting on the same page, same mentality and ideology about money, while the latter is that power over the relationship and finances being more about power and control that both people understanding the scope of the financial situation.

Some argue that the one person in charge mentality doesn’t work, and creates insubordination of sorts financially. That point is well taken if, again, no communication is part of the process.

Studies show that joint checking accounts promote more trust among one another.^[7]

In order for one person to run the household money, they have to use their financial ingenuity on full display but also listen and take heed of what their partner is saying, so that it doesn’t turn into a financial dictatorship more than a couple working together for a common goal.

Promote Togetherness: Budget with your partner, no matter whose money it is

Earlier, we discussed having one person in charge of the finances but all parties involved having equal say with a decision made ultimately as what’s best for the household.

Couples who thrive financially together make it a point to get together once per month to budget.

One piece of that centers on the idea of having three separate accounts: yours, your partner’s and a joint account.

This doesn’t change the idea that having one person in charge of paying bills is best. But that can be done out of the joint account with budgeting on the minds of both.

Here’s how it should work:

Couples sit down, budget and determine how income is set aside for each of the three accounts. Maybe the total income of the household is $80,000 with 70 percent of it on a monthly basis (So $6,000 and $4,200 of that going in the joint account, and the rest divided equally among the other two separate accounts, $2,100 each).

That’s all well and good, but you also have to take budgeting a step further and decide what each account is going to be debited from an expense standpoint.

This engages both you and your spouse in where the money is going and how it is being spent.

Some 42 percent of couples have separate accounts and report out to be much happier that the money is held separately, but used in conjunction with a person managing finances but budgeting together.^[8]

Consider the alternative of not communicating as the sole person managing money, and then telling your partner they can’t buy something because money isn’t available. They may get upset and wonder why, but it’s more about them not being involved than anything else.

One element of budgeting is splitting expenses equally, based on adjustments per person as far as their income level goes. This goes a long way toward financial harmony simply because one person isn’t continually upset because they “pay all the bills” and the other one gets off not having to.

The fact remains that differences between two people as far as money goes abound quite frequently. About 73 percent of people manage money differently than their spouse or significant other.^[9]

Those differences is why communication and equal parts input on budgeting and all money matters is so important. Spending and saving ideologies differ, but that only means one person is “in charge” in the sense they manage. But even the best managers in all walks of life need someone to give them good ideas, and in this case it’s your partner.

The couples that play together, stay together references the idea that if you have something in common with your spouse, you’re likely to have a long-lasting relationship more so if you differ on what you enjoy.

But money and finances also plays a key role in that saying as well.

The couples that learn to pay, save and spend wisely together also have that same future ahead of them, one that is financially solid, devoid of routine disagreements or discourse about money and how it should be saved and spent.

Talking about money is the most important part of how to turn finances into pure harmony, second only to ensuring that one of you checks your financial shortcomings at the door and lets the other take control, with honestly being the real driver with both persons having input, even if one person is at the wheel.

The notion that 50 percent of marriages is often been debated and tossed aside as more hype and hyperbole than anything else, but one number that can be confirmed is 60 percent of couples who broke up or divorced say money played a role in it.^[10]

Money isn’t supposed to be difficult, whether you’re talking about saving, spending or budgeting.

The trick isn’t much of one, but instead centers on open lines of communication and ensuring that the goals of the household and the couple specifically are being heard, heeded and then a decision made that is going to be good for both parties involved.

What sounds an awful lot like a business transaction actually is going to prolong your relationship more than you can imagine. Flowers, romantic dinners, vacations and all the other highlights of a strong, loving relationship are perfect fine and downright encouraged.

But if you’re of the belief that money isn’t part of that happy couple equation, you’re only going to find a bumpy, uncomfortable road ahead, one that is underscored with resentment, hostility and all the evil intentions money can bring.